One Other Thing

Tuesday Tidbits – Tuesday Edition? No. Flurolsday Edition.

- Coming off a 5-0 pasting of the Beantaaan Bruins on Saturday, the Penguins face off with the Capitals tonight in Washington. Anyone expecting the Capitals to stop, drop and roll into the fetal position should stop snorting industrial glue. The parallels with the Bruins and Caps end after the fact that neither will make the playoffs. Boston is a team with veterans apparently disinterested in playing the role of thorn-in-the-side team to the rest of the Eastern conference. Anyone who saw the game on Saturday could tell this because the third period lacked the intensity of a junior high quiz team match let alone an NHL game. Zdeno Chara helped to enforce this while allowing Ryan Malone to score a soft, albeit pretty shorthanded goal. The Caps, on the other hand, are led by the unrelenting Ovechkin train and some young guns that could revive the Pens-Caps rivalry in earnest as soon as next year. Alexander Semin has quietly put up 37 goals, Ovechkin has 43 and RW Chris Clark, not young by any means, has an almost anonymous 29. Ovechkin ordered a ton of food to Crosby’s room and that should about do it for the reasons the Pens should not take this game lightly. PS - Don’t forget the possibility of a dance between Donald Brashear and Gorgeous Georges Laraque – could end up being the highlight of the night.

- Jordan Staal has 29 goals on 115 shots this year. That, math majors, works out to a shooting percentage of 25%. This number is also two percentage points better than Carmelo Anthony’s three-point percentage this year. It is approximately the same as the chances that Lindsay Lohan is the father of Danni-Lynn Smith. Unfortunately, it is significantly less than the 89% chance that Mel Gibson’s latest tirade will be followed by a What Women Want sequel, most likely entitled What Women Want More, and co-starring someone from the Kathy Griffin genre of actresses. What does this mean? Well, two things. One, Carrot Top and Kathy Griffin could form an alliance and steal all the world’s carotene and thusly create an entirely orange state (let’s be honest, their hair is orange, not red) and two, Staal needs to do everything he can to get the puck on net more frequently. The Pens don’t lack firepower, but anything they can do to take pressure off Sid and Geno will benefit them in the playoffs. Down the road my guess is that Staal will be a perennial 30 goal scorer, possibly topping out around 40, but his real value will come in completely neutralizing the other team’s top scorer. Look for Malkin to eventually make the move to Crosby’s right wing, Staal to take over the second line with some yet to be revealed talent and Eric Christensen to be your third line centreman. Staal has Selke written all over him, albeit in invisible ink which is why we can’t see it right now. But get a black light around him and …

- Dancing with the Stars is television’s equivalent of the 60’s drug craze. Everyone seems to watch it, but those that don’t can blatantly see the horrendous effects it is having on society. However, Paul McCartney’s estranged wife is dancing. On one leg. This should not be overlooked as legs, believe it or not, seem to be an integral part of dancing. Even so, hearing a co-worker explain how great it was to see Billy Ray Cyrus back in the limelight has essentially the same effect as hearing someone strung out on various doses of LSD and multiple hits of Panama Red rationalize hanging upside down and naked from the roof of the local capital building.

- That is pretty much all I’ve got right now – but a quick endorsement of The Kooks, a British band with a new album. Check out the single, Naïve, and you will be hooked. Plus, unlike many other British bands, their accent is not lost in song. Many, many times on the album, you will be unbelievably confused as to what they are saying. And it will sound good anyways. Go.