According to authorities in Jamalpur, a northern city in Bangladesh, American movie star Angelina Jolie will arrive tomorrow in an attempt to adopt the entire town. Jolie, 31, has been on an adoption binge of sorts over the past year and is apparently indiscriminant in her adoption strategies.
“I would like to adopt the whole world,” said a questionably lucid Jolie last week at a convention in the Republic of Maldives for terminally ill dung beetles. “I want to be the mother to the world. I would take that very seriously – being the mother of the world.”
Since that statement, Jolie has set out to do just that. She just finalized the adoption of a 3-year old Vietnamese child named Pham Quang Sang on March 15, and subsequently changed his name to the much more manageable Pax Thien, reportedly meaning “Peace Sky” in a mix of two similar languages – Latin and Vietnamese. Coupled with her adoption of Pax Thien, Jolie will have adopted 116,755 people in the past week once the paperwork is finalized.
Reactions in Bangladesh, the world’s 7th largest country, were mixed as the word spread. Mahara Shavaran, the country’s Minister of Tourism, expressed optimism that this would boost the economy and increase tourism exponentially.
“Having a world recognized star like Brangelina Jolie-Pitt come to our country is a great thing,” said Shavaran by phone. “Just her presence should raise awareness around the world about our beautiful country. Add that to the fact that she is adopting over 100,000 people, and you have match made in heaven.”
Citizens of Jamalpur had a decidedly less positive outlook.
“I already have a mother,” said Mitch al-Jalal, 54, “and I don’t even like her so why would I want another one?”
al-Jalal’s sentiments were shared by other Jamalpurians.
“I don’t know who she thinks she is,” scolded Savita Krishana, 86, “but I am old enough to be her grandmother so I don’t know how I’ll react if she tells me to go to bed. I mean, I guess I’ll listen, but I won’t be happy about it.”
Farud Alzemi, 31, a local chef and community activist said he will, “… most definitely not finish my broccoli even if it means sitting at the table until the next morning. I don’t care what she thinks. I don’t like broccoli.”
Jolie herself did not seem to be too worried about the reactions of her future children yesterday as she sat in on a “Food for Ferrets” luncheon in New Zealand’s capital city of Wellington.
“They will come around,” said the Tomb Raider starlet. “When I researched my role for Lara Croft, I really got to see the world outside the United States and realized that I could be a mother to everybody. And even those with initial concerns will be won over by my loving nature and propensity for renaming human beings.”
Jolie’s confidence may remain unshaken in part because of the trend she has started among other celebrities. Madonna recently adopted a baby along with husband Guy Ritchie and it is rumored that the trend has even reached Carrot Top, who reportedly adopted the entire world’s population of flying squirrels.
Once rumored to have an incestuous relationship with her brother and known for wearing a vile of ex-husband Billy Bob Thornton’s blood around her neck, Jolie has resurrected her once tarnished image to serve currently as a Goodwill Ambassador for the UN Refugee Agency.
In related news, Britney Spears and O.J. Simpson have been named co-chairs of the U.N.’s newly formed Child Edumacation Advisory Board.
“I would like to adopt the whole world,” said a questionably lucid Jolie last week at a convention in the Republic of Maldives for terminally ill dung beetles. “I want to be the mother to the world. I would take that very seriously – being the mother of the world.”
Since that statement, Jolie has set out to do just that. She just finalized the adoption of a 3-year old Vietnamese child named Pham Quang Sang on March 15, and subsequently changed his name to the much more manageable Pax Thien, reportedly meaning “Peace Sky” in a mix of two similar languages – Latin and Vietnamese. Coupled with her adoption of Pax Thien, Jolie will have adopted 116,755 people in the past week once the paperwork is finalized.
Reactions in Bangladesh, the world’s 7th largest country, were mixed as the word spread. Mahara Shavaran, the country’s Minister of Tourism, expressed optimism that this would boost the economy and increase tourism exponentially.
“Having a world recognized star like Brangelina Jolie-Pitt come to our country is a great thing,” said Shavaran by phone. “Just her presence should raise awareness around the world about our beautiful country. Add that to the fact that she is adopting over 100,000 people, and you have match made in heaven.”
Citizens of Jamalpur had a decidedly less positive outlook.
“I already have a mother,” said Mitch al-Jalal, 54, “and I don’t even like her so why would I want another one?”
al-Jalal’s sentiments were shared by other Jamalpurians.
“I don’t know who she thinks she is,” scolded Savita Krishana, 86, “but I am old enough to be her grandmother so I don’t know how I’ll react if she tells me to go to bed. I mean, I guess I’ll listen, but I won’t be happy about it.”
Farud Alzemi, 31, a local chef and community activist said he will, “… most definitely not finish my broccoli even if it means sitting at the table until the next morning. I don’t care what she thinks. I don’t like broccoli.”
Jolie herself did not seem to be too worried about the reactions of her future children yesterday as she sat in on a “Food for Ferrets” luncheon in New Zealand’s capital city of Wellington.
“They will come around,” said the Tomb Raider starlet. “When I researched my role for Lara Croft, I really got to see the world outside the United States and realized that I could be a mother to everybody. And even those with initial concerns will be won over by my loving nature and propensity for renaming human beings.”
Jolie’s confidence may remain unshaken in part because of the trend she has started among other celebrities. Madonna recently adopted a baby along with husband Guy Ritchie and it is rumored that the trend has even reached Carrot Top, who reportedly adopted the entire world’s population of flying squirrels.
Once rumored to have an incestuous relationship with her brother and known for wearing a vile of ex-husband Billy Bob Thornton’s blood around her neck, Jolie has resurrected her once tarnished image to serve currently as a Goodwill Ambassador for the UN Refugee Agency.
In related news, Britney Spears and O.J. Simpson have been named co-chairs of the U.N.’s newly formed Child Edumacation Advisory Board.
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