Tuesday Tidbits – Thursday Edition
- I am taking up fishing. And this picture is what I will catch. A hammerhead shark, a blue fish with a hat, a merwoman and a Naval Officer. I will do all of this using an Ugly Stik with a Quantum reel, 6 lb. line with off the charts drag, lots of blood knots, hip waders, a dream-worthy fishing vest, two-tone bi-level split cast dreadlocked Rappala lures, and brute force casting techniques I have developed in my basement since I was 8. But I seriously am taking up fishing.
Things I knew about fishing:
1) It is done in or around water.
2) It is fun.
3) Fishermen have vests that hold anything and everything under the sun, including modes of transportation.
Things I didn’t know about fishing:
1) A lot.
2) You need a Hicktionary to understand the jargon.
3) It is borderline impossible to take up fishing without knowing a seasoned vet.
So last night my buddy Diddy and I spent two hours in Gander Mountain with our resident veteran fisher and friend Rick, who clearly doesn’t know what he is getting himself into. Gander Mountain, for those of you who haven’t been there, is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. Camouflage. If Chevy were to build the worlds most giant pickup truck, Gander Mountain is basically everything that would be in the bed. And rumor has it, even this is significantly less than what the mythical southern-heaven destination of Cabela’s offers. Needless to say, I am excited to eventually go there and get lost only to realize that every tracking device and GPS system in the world is there to help me back to civilization. But Rick was able to get us uniformed for Trout’s opening day, which falls the first Saturday after Easter and will mark the first time in my life I have stayed up all night playing cards, drinking, smoking a cigar AND THEN gone fishing for 3 hours. Watch out trout – you have exactly a little more than one week! More on this soon….
- I caught a 10 minute segment of Donny Deutsch’s show The Big Idea on MSNBC the other night, during which the following transpired. A woman in a brown leotard, skirt and Uggs, sitting across from Deutsch as his guest, revealed herself as a hand model. (This is amazing for two reasons. One - I named this one of my top 5 jobs to have when I was in hike school and two – she was a complete nut job.) The segment included a mini contest in which Deutsch would show an ad that uses hands and/or feet to sell a product and this woman would determine what emotional vibes you could construe from the picture. Completely ignoring the fact that it was, in fact, the colors or products that determined the attitude of the ad, the woman proceeded to convince the nodding Deutsch that her feet were suggestive, sensual, and flirty. He agreed. Then, the woman removed her protective gloves (They were long pink gloves like you would use to clean with, probably made by Rubbermaid) and Uggs to show off her goods. This made for the most awkward TV of the week as a salivating Deutsch asked to touch her feet. The segment then quickly turned into a weird PG-13 rated Fetish Flick and caused me enough second hand embarrassment that I changed the channel. Sorry, but watching middle aged men touch crazy people’s feet is a weekend activity for me.
- Earlier in the week, during my entirely too long Pirate Preview, I mentioned Steve Blass, Lanny Frattare, Greg Brown, and Bob Walk as the Pirates main broadcasters and somehow missed mentioning John Wehner. Wehner, a Pittsburgh native, was a huge success in Pittsburgh because he sounds awkward and doesn’t pronahnce words right. Sorry John. You were a favorite Bucco of mine and every other Pittsburgh kid.
- I am taking up fishing. And this picture is what I will catch. A hammerhead shark, a blue fish with a hat, a merwoman and a Naval Officer. I will do all of this using an Ugly Stik with a Quantum reel, 6 lb. line with off the charts drag, lots of blood knots, hip waders, a dream-worthy fishing vest, two-tone bi-level split cast dreadlocked Rappala lures, and brute force casting techniques I have developed in my basement since I was 8. But I seriously am taking up fishing.
Things I knew about fishing:
1) It is done in or around water.
2) It is fun.
3) Fishermen have vests that hold anything and everything under the sun, including modes of transportation.
Things I didn’t know about fishing:
1) A lot.
2) You need a Hicktionary to understand the jargon.
3) It is borderline impossible to take up fishing without knowing a seasoned vet.
So last night my buddy Diddy and I spent two hours in Gander Mountain with our resident veteran fisher and friend Rick, who clearly doesn’t know what he is getting himself into. Gander Mountain, for those of you who haven’t been there, is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. Camouflage. If Chevy were to build the worlds most giant pickup truck, Gander Mountain is basically everything that would be in the bed. And rumor has it, even this is significantly less than what the mythical southern-heaven destination of Cabela’s offers. Needless to say, I am excited to eventually go there and get lost only to realize that every tracking device and GPS system in the world is there to help me back to civilization. But Rick was able to get us uniformed for Trout’s opening day, which falls the first Saturday after Easter and will mark the first time in my life I have stayed up all night playing cards, drinking, smoking a cigar AND THEN gone fishing for 3 hours. Watch out trout – you have exactly a little more than one week! More on this soon….
- I caught a 10 minute segment of Donny Deutsch’s show The Big Idea on MSNBC the other night, during which the following transpired. A woman in a brown leotard, skirt and Uggs, sitting across from Deutsch as his guest, revealed herself as a hand model. (This is amazing for two reasons. One - I named this one of my top 5 jobs to have when I was in hike school and two – she was a complete nut job.) The segment included a mini contest in which Deutsch would show an ad that uses hands and/or feet to sell a product and this woman would determine what emotional vibes you could construe from the picture. Completely ignoring the fact that it was, in fact, the colors or products that determined the attitude of the ad, the woman proceeded to convince the nodding Deutsch that her feet were suggestive, sensual, and flirty. He agreed. Then, the woman removed her protective gloves (They were long pink gloves like you would use to clean with, probably made by Rubbermaid) and Uggs to show off her goods. This made for the most awkward TV of the week as a salivating Deutsch asked to touch her feet. The segment then quickly turned into a weird PG-13 rated Fetish Flick and caused me enough second hand embarrassment that I changed the channel. Sorry, but watching middle aged men touch crazy people’s feet is a weekend activity for me.
- Earlier in the week, during my entirely too long Pirate Preview, I mentioned Steve Blass, Lanny Frattare, Greg Brown, and Bob Walk as the Pirates main broadcasters and somehow missed mentioning John Wehner. Wehner, a Pittsburgh native, was a huge success in Pittsburgh because he sounds awkward and doesn’t pronahnce words right. Sorry John. You were a favorite Bucco of mine and every other Pittsburgh kid.
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